i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
