I'm so fucking centered right now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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