so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
