The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
