I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
