you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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