It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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