$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
