ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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