highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize