I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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