U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
