I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
