Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
