I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
