im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize