If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Me too!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
