I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
