I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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