My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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