Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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