a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
