dude i'm inner monologue high
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
