alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
two words: eviction party
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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