I didn't shave. On purpose
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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