Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
