I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
