I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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