These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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