I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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