At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
