I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
