Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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