My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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