1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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