im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize