we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
