Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
