I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Randomize
