Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
