This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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