my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
