I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
