oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
