I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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