I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
