alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
