I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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