If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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