So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
