She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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