my sisters under your porch take her home
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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