After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
