What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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