mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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