dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
