Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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