theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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