can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Congratulations! We have a period
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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