Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Holy shit dude........stairs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
