So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
