Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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