Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
