At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
