nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
