I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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