My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
