I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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