I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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