Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
