ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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