My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I party with great urgency now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
