I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
