where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
