That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
