I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
