Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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