Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
