Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
