Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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