I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
