This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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