it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
