if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
