I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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