First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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