Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
