found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
