Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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