Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
