you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
