remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
