Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize